Common interests. One thing I have noticed about dating is the kinds of questions we ask....'What is your favorite movie?' 'What do you like to do for fun?' 'What kind of music do you like?' While all of these are oh so interesting and make for light and fun conversation, these aren't the things we should be looking for to make our decisions in who our life mate will be. I mean, that's why we date, right? To find the person we want to marry someday, have kids and live happily ever after...? That's a whole other topic I could go on and on about, but we'll save that one for later.
I just have a couple of thoughts on the way we 'look' for a future spouse. First of all, I noticed that we are all about physical attraction. Don't get me wrong, physical attraction is important, but is it really the deciding factor for who we 'love'? You should be physically attracted to your husband or wife, and if you're not, then you have a problem there, but we as a whole have taken that way too far. Trust me, eventually, the tan she has will make her skin look like leather and she will get wrinkly, and whether she dyes her hair or not, it will be gray. He will lose his muscle tone and it will turn to extra belly fat. He'll lose his hair, and his tattoos on his bicep will sag to his elbow. Their looks will not last. I promise, you will both get older and if your entire relationship is based and founded on physical attraction, then you will be 2 very unhappy people. Just because she's 'hot' or he's 'so dreamy' now, doesn't mean they will look like that in 25 years.
Secondly, this whole 'common interest' thing. What is that? I'm all for having a few hobbies in common and liking some of the same types of movies, but again, your relationship can not be built off of a common interest or hobby. I have seriously heard this before, 'Oh my gosh, we're so meant to be, he loves the beach just like I do....' Yeah, you're meant to be because you both like to go to the beach. If that were true, I'd have a million and 1 soul mates and we would all be perfect for one another because we all like country music or something totally outrageous like that. But this is how we think in our society. Maybe you do it subconsciously, or maybe you know you think that way, whatever the case, its completely ridiculous. Think about it this way, say you marry this guy you're with, you like the same things...rock music, action movies, he likes to shop, you like to shop, you both like the mountains, etc... What is going to help you when you have kids and your newborn baby will not stop crying and it's 3:30 a.m., your husband has to be up for work at 5, and your 7 year old is afraid to sleep in their own room? Your husband believes taking care of the kids is your responsibility and refuses to help because he has to be up for work, & he would never allow his child to sleep in the room with you.....your parenting style is the exact opposite. Do you think that the fact that you both like the same kinds of movies is going to solve this issue? No!
So, maybe that's a little much....maybe you're saying that's something we will discuss when we get super serious...OK, so you talk about movies and music and stuff....Let's say after about 4 or 5 dates, you realize you really like her, you ask her to come to church with you. She says she doesn't believe in God. That question should've been the first thing you asked her on your first date.
It might not seem like that big of a deal, but it is. You can't base a relationship or a marriage off of how beautiful someone is or that you both like football. Either it won't last and someone will get hurt, or you will both be unhappy the rest of your lives. Start asking the right questions, who cares if you both hate Obama, or that you both saw Courageous, it doesn't matter. When the tough times come, none of that matters, what matters is so much deeper than that. Some of the most important things are being able to make each other laugh. It doesn't have to be serious all the time. And when it is serious, think about this, can you carry on a conversation deeper than what you saw on TV last night?
The best relationships are the ones where you balance each other out. Think about what you lack and find someone who is strongest in those things. Let his weaknesses be your strong points, and let his strong points be where you are weak. Build each other up in the Lord and challenge one another's faith. Embrace your differences and learn from them.
Girls, look for a guy who will lead you spiritually, who will encourage your faith not hinder it, someone strong in his walk and most importantly a man who knows who he is and what he's about. This might be a little TMI, but wait for a guy who will bring you chocolate and chick flicks when its that time of the month. Who will let you yell at him one second and cuddle with him the next. Who will act like a complete fool just to see you smile. Wait for the guy who will protect your heart. Who will pray for you and will pray with you. Have disagreements, they make things interesting. Wait for the man who will not be afraid to get on his knees in front of everyone and worship his God. Wait and be pursued by a man who loves the Lord more than he loves you. For the gentleman who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
Guys, wait for the girl who will allow you to pursue her. For the girl who is desperately in love with God. Who will walk along side you, not in front of you or behind you. Find the girl who will make up for what you lack, who will encourage your faith, encourage your differences and will seek God in every decision she makes. The girl that will pray for you everyday, who has a quiet and gentle spirit. The girl that's not afraid to worship the Lord. The girl that will submit to the Lord first and you second, who has a serving heart. The girl who drives you crazy, but it's only because you love her so much. Who will bring you your favorite food when you're sick just because she loves you. The one who teaches you and who makes you a better person. Wait for the girl who grips at your heart and pushes you to be all that she knows you can be. Wait for the girl who sees your potential and encourages the man she knows you are.
This is all so cheesy, I know, but it's so true if you think about it. Ive never had nor will I ever have a perfect relationship, or the perfect example of one. However, I think I've experienced enough in my life to understand a little bit of how these things work and why they last or don't last. But, I was feeling a little inspired after watching a couple of movies and spending some time by myself for once. If you agree, cool, if you don't, that's OK too. I'd love input and some wisdom from people who have actually been married or have had a relationship based on more than just outward appearance or hobbies.
