A Ring Won't Stop You....

     We've all heard about them. The infamous 'purity rings'. They are significant in that they are a symbol of a commitment made to one's self. It's also a huge commitment made to God, and future spouse. However, a symbol is all that it is.
     When I was turned 13 years old, my parents got me a purity ring for my birthday. It was absolutely gorgeous. It was 2 hands holding a heart, I don't remember what the stone was, but it was a beautiful ring. I wore it every single day, until the stone fell out a few years later. We took it to get it fixed and after that I decided it was too precious to wear everyday because I didn't want the stone falling out again and getting lost, so I bought myself a simple silver band that said 'I will wait for my beloved.' That ring I did wear every day for a very long time, I never worried that it would break. It became kind of a security blanket for me and I began to trust more in the ring than in the actual commitment of my heart.
     Flash forward to my 20th year. I met a guy. An amazing, wonderful, sweet, kind, thoughtful, selfless man. He treated me so well and took care of me. He was everything I wanted, and he fell in love with me pretty quickly. Which was ok, I was still scared because of my last relationship and how quickly I fell and then how hopeless I felt when it ended. So I was cautious. This man was more worldly than I. He had seen things and done things I never had before. He was a military guy, hardcore Army. He had been deployed before and had experienced the military lifestyle in all its forms. Even relationship wise, so I knew I wasn't dating a virgin, he had been married before. To be honest, that worried me a little, because I was a pure, virgin, christian girl and I planned on being that until my wedding night.
     Well, the physical part of our relationship was strong, and so was the rest of it, we were very very close and spent a lot of time together. At first, it was just making out, which worried me because I remembered something an old youth pastor said, 'its a downward spiral, it doesn't stop at just kissing or just making out, you get bored with that and want to go further the closer and more serious you get....'
That didn't stop me, I trusted in that precious little ring on my finger. I laugh at myself now, because I was stupid enough to actually think this way, but I thought, 'ok, when I start to get uncomfortable or it gets too far, I'll see that ring on my finger and it will remind me of my vow.' NO WAY! If you are thinking this way, it is a foolish plan, absolutely foolish.
     Things started getting more serious and I started compromising myself more and more because I loved him and with all of my heart believed that he was the one I was going to marry. So, I started to think, 'well, as long as I'm not actually having sex, Ill be ok.' Wrong again. Each time things went further and further, no matter if I married him or not, I was betraying my future husband, betraying myself, and betraying God. I started to let satan compromise my beliefs and I bought into his lies each time. I would justify the things we were doing and manipulate it in my mind to make it seem ok. And then I would change my mind and feel guilty and blame my boyfriend for letting it get to far. It was unfair to him. I would tell him, 'oh I've thought about it and I think what we're doing is ok. I promise.' And then the next day I would be so mad at myself and him for all of it, when I made him believe it was all ok.
     I started ignoring my convictions and let things get further and further until it got as far as it could and I compromised everything I've stood for and gave away the most precious gift that was to be saved for my wedding night. I regretted it, I cried for days, I was depressed, I was suicidal, I was angry. I didn't talk to him for a long time and when I did, all I could do was cry and place the blame on him.
     But the worst part is, yeah I begged God for forgiveness, and He was faithful and forgave me just as He promised He would, but again and again I let satan lie to me and tell me it was ok. I let my flesh rule my heart and disobeyed God and compromised my purity. After a while, I stopped getting angry at myself, and at him. I was numb to the sins I was committing and just let it happen. I lied countless times to my parents, to him and to myself. I wanted it to just go away, but I figured I was too far gone to go back. I wished I had never even let it get past a simple kiss or hand holding, but I did. I stopped wearing my ring, that stupid little ring that meant nothing. I realized I had put my faith and trust in a piece of metal rather than my Holy Father. The only thing that stopped me from turning away from that sin was that it wasn't just sex. I can honestly say that it wasn't something we were doing because it 'felt good' or we 'were bored.' It was truly a result of the love we had for one another. In the beginning it was out of pure boredom and curiosity, but it became so much more than that. Rather than being a search for intimacy, it was purely a result of our intimacy and care for each other. However, that doesn't make pre marital sex ok. By any means.
     After reading God's word and doing my own studying and research, I have decided that my commitment to God comes first, before anything else.
  A ring won't stop me, I still wear one sometimes, but it's not as important to me as it was before. I've decided to rededicate my life, my heart, and my body to Christ. I have begged Him for forgiveness yet again, and He is a faithful and just and a forgiving God. I am going to remain pure until I am married. I am going to marry this man I talked about, and on our wedding night, we will both be confident in that, yes we made mistakes, but we were forgiven and made pure in the eyes of the Lord for one another.
     We've made many changes in our relationship to ensure that it never happens again. There will always be temptation, but that temptation isn't from the Lord, it is from satan. We no longer go upstairs at his house, we stay in his living room and watch movies with his dad or something like that. Upstairs is off limits. We spend more time outside of the house doing things together, we go to the mall, we go for a walk....places where we aren't alone for a long period of time. We do a devotional/Bible study together every night. We got a Bible for couples and there's a devotional for everyday of the week and if we aren't together that night, we Skype and discuss and pray together. We are growing in our individual relationships with Christ, and we talk about the temptations we are having. We don't just ignore it, we talk about it and try to figure out ways to control the temptations as they arise. Usually by praying for each other or remembering that this isn't going to last forever. One day we will be married and give ourselves completely to one another. We trust in the Lord. We trust in the Lord alone.

Prayer in a Relationship

Pray for your significant other. Always. The power of prayer can totally change every aspect of your relationship, for the good. When God is the center, then your relationship will grow and flourish at His pace and not your own. When God comes first, you are no longer accountable to just one another, which isn't good in the first place, but you are accountable to the One who brought you together. The Ultimate Love. God's love and pursuit of us should be our example of how to love another person. Unconditionally, and it's the truest form of love. When you are accountable to God, it makes it easier to get to know a person for who they are, and not for your physical attraction to them.

When you're not sure how to pray for them, use this acronym that I got from my sister in law who read in her devotional.

B.L.E.S.S.

B-Body. Pray for their health, their body. Pray for the energy to get through a long day. Ask God to keep them safe and healthy.
L-Labor. Pray for their labor. Whether it's in school or at work. Pray for a good day and for motivation to do their best. Pray for self control in dealing with their boss or teachers. Pray for guidance in their pursuit of a degree and career. Pray for God's will.
E- Emotions. Pray for their emotional state. Pray for stability in their emotions and that they will not make decisions based on emotion or a feeling, but that they will seek God to control their emotions and to help them be good stewards of the emotions they feel.
S-Social. Pray for their friendships. Pray and ask God to provide good Christian friends in their life. Friends they can talk to and be accountable to. Pray for for stability in friendships.
S-Spiritual. Pray for their walk with the Lord. Pray that in everything they say and do, they will seek God and that God will be their number 1 priority. Ask God to reveal Himself in their life and in your relationship. Pray for ministry opportunities and that they will live their life completely committed to Christ.

'What kind of music do you like....?'

     Common interests. One thing I have noticed about dating is the kinds of questions we ask....'What is your favorite movie?' 'What do you like to do for fun?' 'What kind of music do you like?' While all of these are oh so interesting and make for light and fun conversation, these aren't the things we should be looking for to make our decisions in who our life mate will be. I mean, that's why we date, right? To find the person we want to marry someday, have kids and live happily ever after...? That's a whole other topic I could go on and on about, but we'll save that one for later.
     I just have a couple of thoughts on the way we 'look' for a future spouse. First of all, I noticed that we are all about physical attraction. Don't get me wrong, physical attraction is important, but is it really the deciding factor for who we 'love'? You should be physically attracted to your husband or wife, and if you're not, then you have a problem there, but we as a whole have taken that way too far. Trust me, eventually, the tan she has will make her skin look like leather and she will get wrinkly, and whether she dyes her hair or not, it will be gray. He will lose his muscle tone and it will turn to extra belly fat. He'll lose his hair, and his tattoos on his bicep will sag to his elbow. Their looks will not last. I promise, you will both get older and if your entire relationship is based and founded on physical attraction, then you will be 2 very unhappy people. Just because she's 'hot' or he's 'so dreamy' now, doesn't mean they will look like that in 25 years.
     Secondly, this whole 'common interest' thing. What is that? I'm all for having a few hobbies in common and liking some of the same types of movies, but again, your relationship can not be built off of a common interest or hobby. I have seriously heard this before, 'Oh my gosh, we're so meant to be, he loves the beach just like I do....' Yeah, you're meant to be because you both like to go to the beach. If that were true, I'd have a million and 1 soul mates and we would all be perfect for one another because we all like country music or something totally outrageous like that. But this is how we think in our society. Maybe you do it subconsciously, or maybe you know you think that way, whatever the case, its completely ridiculous. Think about it this way, say you marry this guy you're with, you like the same things...rock music, action movies, he likes to shop, you like to shop, you both like the mountains, etc... What is going to help you when you have kids and your newborn baby will not stop crying and it's 3:30 a.m., your husband has to be up for work at 5, and your 7 year old is afraid to sleep in their own room? Your husband believes taking care of the kids is your responsibility and refuses to help because he has to be up for work, & he would never allow his child to sleep in the room with you.....your parenting style is the exact opposite. Do you think that the fact that you both like the same kinds of movies is going to solve this issue? No!
     So, maybe that's a little much....maybe you're saying that's something we will discuss when we get super serious...OK, so you talk about movies and music and stuff....Let's say after about 4 or 5 dates,  you realize you really like her, you ask her to come to church with you. She says she doesn't believe in God. That question should've been the first thing you asked her on your first date.
     It might not seem like that big of a deal, but it is. You can't base a relationship or a marriage off of how beautiful someone is or that you both like football. Either it won't last and someone will get hurt, or you will both be unhappy the rest of your lives. Start asking the right questions, who cares if you both hate Obama, or that you both saw Courageous, it doesn't matter. When the tough times come, none of that matters, what matters is so much deeper than that. Some of the most important things are being able to make each other laugh. It doesn't have to be serious all the time. And when it is serious, think about this, can you carry on a conversation deeper than what you saw on TV last night?
     The best relationships are the ones where you balance each other out. Think about what you lack and find someone who is strongest in those things. Let his weaknesses be your strong points, and let his strong points be where you are weak. Build each other up in the Lord and challenge one another's faith. Embrace your differences and learn from them.
     Girls, look for a guy who will lead you spiritually, who will encourage your faith not hinder it, someone strong in his walk and most importantly a man who knows who he is and what he's about. This might be a little TMI, but wait for a guy who will bring you chocolate and chick flicks when its that time of the month. Who will let you yell at him one second and cuddle with him the next. Who will act like a complete fool just to see you smile. Wait for the guy who will protect your heart. Who will pray for you and will pray with you. Have disagreements, they make things interesting. Wait for the man who will not be afraid to get on his knees in front of everyone and worship his God. Wait and be pursued by a man who loves the Lord more than he loves you. For the gentleman who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
     Guys, wait for the girl who will allow you to pursue her. For the girl who is desperately in love with God. Who will walk along side you, not in front of you or behind you. Find the girl who will make up for what you lack, who will encourage your faith, encourage your differences and will seek God in every decision she makes. The girl that will pray for you everyday, who has a quiet and gentle spirit. The girl that's not afraid to worship the Lord. The girl that will submit to the Lord first and you second, who has a serving heart. The girl who drives you crazy, but it's only because you love her so much. Who will bring you your favorite food when you're sick just because she loves you. The one who teaches you and who makes you a better person. Wait for the girl who grips at your heart and pushes you to be all that she knows you can be. Wait for the girl who sees your potential and encourages the man she knows you are.
     This is all so cheesy, I know, but it's so true if you think about it. Ive never had nor will I ever have a perfect relationship, or the perfect example of one. However, I think I've experienced enough in my life to understand a little bit of how these things work and why they last or don't last. But, I was feeling a little inspired after watching a couple of movies and spending some time by myself for once. If you agree, cool, if you don't, that's OK too. I'd love input and some wisdom from people who have actually been married or have had a relationship based on more than just outward appearance or hobbies.